8 Totally Legit Reasons to Vote Leave

As the EU referendum campaigns for Remain and Leave come to a shuddering and elongated climax, regular contributor Lord Arthur Toaster-Flange III weighs into the debate and give you 8 reasons why we should vote to leave the EU.

Immigration

Leaving the EU means we can secure our borders whatever way we want. Electric fences, sharks guarding the perimeter, a massive cardboard cut out of the white cliffs over dover which invaders crash into like a Road Runner cartoon. However we want to defend our borders we can. The fact is immigration is way out of control. Britain is full, we need to adopt a one-in one-out policy with the last one shutting the door behind them. But this isn't me being a racialist, some of my best friends have a black servant. This is about maintaining British culture and British values. Have you ever eaten Albainian cuisine? I haven't, but I bet it's a fried cockroach on stick. No, give me proper British grub any day like fish & chips, beef wellington or lamb vindaloo.

NHS

I used to hate the idea of free healthcare, but then I got ill during my bankruptcy years and decided it was great. We give, and I'm not making this up, 10 trillion pounds to the EU ever year just for permission to enter their stupid wine and cheese club. This money could be spent on the NHS, building robot nurses which won't strike just to protect there precious so-called 'worker's rights'. I am absolutely certain all this money will go into the NHS, when have you known governments to be deceitful with money?

Sovereignty

My grandfather didn't die in World War 2 just give all of our power straight back to the Germans. Admittedly, he didn't fight in the war, he had to stay back home due to bad yeast infection and proceeded to impregnate the whole village before dying of exhaustion. But still, what are we as a country, what is the point of us if we give all of our power to unelected (if you ignore the elections we have to choose who represents us) officials? For Queen and country, we need to protect our sovereignty and democracy.

Terrorism

With the free movement of people between EU countries it is incredibly easy to perform a terrorism in Britain. New figures (I can't find the website where I found them, but they are real) show that it is estimated one billion Jihadis live in Oxfordshire alone. For terrorists the EU is a field day, they can easily hop on board a car travelling between countries, or even jump in your luggage between flights and then leap out while the plane is in mid-air and going all ninja on everyone. We need to be out of the EU to protect ourselves. I mean look at America, they're not in the EU and I can't remember any terrorisms happening there.

Trump & Putin

Both Donald Trump, probable US President and Vladimir Putin, definite Russian PM, say Britain is better out of the EU. This goes back to my old boarding school days, I was always told to suck up to the bullies so they would kick the shit out of other people instead of me. I just stood there and awkwardly laughed as other boys had there faces mashed into the mud. I felt like a terrible person, but I felt a lot better than that other kid did. Trump and Putin have more nukes than everyone else, I think it would be wise to what they want us to.

 If we don't leave this could be the last image burnt into your retinas before the nukes strike

If we don't leave this could be the last image burnt into your retinas before the nukes strike

Eurovision

I hate Eurovision, mainly because I think it promotes what I call rampant homosexualism. But if we are going to enter it we should at least win it. Because of bloody political correctness gone mad you are not even allowed to vote for the United Kingdom in the competition. They ban you from voting for your own country. That's what the EU is really about folks, destroying any sense of national pride. Ridiculous. And nobody votes for us just because of all the terrible things we have done historically to other countries. What a bitter continent.

Leicester City

Everyone said “isn't is fantastic that Leicester City won the league, what a great underdog story.” Well I'm sorry but it's not. Teams like Man City, Chelsea, Liverpool, Man Utd all spent loads more money and therefore deserve to win it more than Leicester. Because of the EU work permit rules, it meant Leicester could buy really cheap, uncapped internationals from abroad such as Mahrez and Kante. This is unfair, the fans who pay more to see their team play simply deserve the Premier League title more than a bunch of lucky foreigners. Leave the EU, less Leicesters.

Roger Helmer

Just look at Roger Helmer. Look at him. That majestic 'tache, that air of statesmanship, the man oozes safistication. Helmer, as with most right-minded people, is anti-EU and is a heavy weight in the Leave campaign. Old Rog can't lose, save yourself the embarrassment and side with the man now. Wherever Roger goes I go to. Just look at that moustache. Phwoarrr...